“Transitions are almost always signs of growth, but they can bring feelings of loss. To get somewhere new, we may have to leave somewhere else behind.”

- Fred Rogers

This week, we talked about how addiction is a family disease and the four stages of family recovery. Everyone in the family is affected by and plays a role in their loved one's substance use disorder (SUD), and everyone in the family is affected by and plays a role in their loved one’s recovery. There is a word and concept in Swahili of Ubuntu, which means "I am because we are," which perfectly encapsulates the interconnectedness and mutual support within families. Addiction is a family disease that needs family solutions. The truth is that sometimes our loved ones don’t choose recovery, or they lose their way in their recovery for a moment. That does not mean that we can’t begin to recover and continue to recover as a family from the chaos and pain caused, not by our loved ones, but by their addiction. Remember that none of us caused this, and none of us can cure it, but we can recover from it.

The Family Triangle:

The family triangle, also known as the Drama Triangle, is a concept developed by Stephen Karpman to describe the dynamics of unhealthy relationships within families dealing with addiction. The triangle consists of three roles: the Victim, the Rescuer, and the Persecutor.

  • Victim: Feels helpless and overwhelmed by the situation, often blaming others for their problems.
  • Rescuer: Tries to fix the Victim’s problems, often enabling their dependency and avoiding addressing their own needs.
  • Persecutor: Criticizes and blames the Victim, often taking on a controlling or superior stance.

In the context of recovery, these roles can create a cycle of dysfunction and hinder the healing process. Understanding and addressing these roles can help families break free from these patterns and support each other more effectively.

Another way to look at family roles in substance use disorders:

In families affected by addiction, members often take on specific roles as a way to cope with the challenges and stress. These roles can be both supportive and dysfunctional. Here are some common family roles in addiction:

  1. The person with the addiction: The individual struggling with substance use disorder (SUD).
  2. The Caretaker: Often takes on the responsibility of managing the household and the addict’s needs, sometimes to the detriment of their well-being.
  3. The Hero: Tries to bring stability and success to the family, often overcompensating for the chaos caused by addiction.
  4. The Scapegoat: Blamed for problems within the family, often acting out to divert attention from the addict’s behavior.
  5. The Mascot: Uses humor to diffuse tension and distract from the family’s issues.
  6. The Lost Child: Withdraws and becomes emotionally distant, avoiding conflict and seeking to stay unnoticed.

These roles can impact the family dynamics and the recovery process. Understanding these roles can help families address dysfunctional patterns and support each other more effectively.

The Four Stages of Family Recovery and their importance:

The four stages of family recovery are important because they provide a framework for families to understand and navigate the complex journey of recovery from substance use disorders (SUD). Here’s why each stage matters:

1. Active Addiction/Use

  • Recognition: This stage highlights the chaos and trauma families face during active addiction, emphasizing the need for recognition and intervention.
  • Understanding Impact: It helps families acknowledge how addiction affects everyone, not just the individual with SUD.

2. Transition

  • Adjusting to Change: This stage focuses on the shift from active use to abstinence, helping families understand the changes and challenges during early recovery.
  • Building Support: It underscores the importance of finding treatment options and starting to heal emotional wounds.

3. Early Recovery

  • Adapting to New Norms: This stage is about adjusting to the loved one’s new sober lifestyle, helping families navigate uncertainty and change.
  • Strengthening Bonds: It emphasizes rebuilding trust and relationships within the family.

4. On-Going Recovery

  • Long-Term Stability: This stage focuses on maintaining stability and reinforcing the positive changes made during recovery.
  • Continued Growth: It highlights the ongoing nature of recovery and the need for continued support and growth within the family.

Overall, these stages provide a roadmap for families, helping them understand the dynamics of addiction and recovery and offering guidance on how to support their loved ones and themselves through each phase. This framework fosters resilience, understanding, and healing within the family unit.

Connection between the Family Triangle and stages of recovery:

The Drama Triangle (family triangle) and the four stages of family recovery are interconnected in the way they illustrate the evolving dynamics and roles within a family dealing with addiction. Here’s how the roles in the Drama Triangle can manifest and transform through each stage of recovery:

1. Active Addiction/Use

  • Victim: Family members may feel powerless and overwhelmed by the chaos of addiction.
  • Rescuer: Someone in the family often takes on the role of trying to “fix” the situation, enabling the addict’s behavior.
  • Persecutor: Another member may become critical or blaming, adding to the conflict.

2. Transition

  • As the family begins to seek help and treatment, these roles may shift but are still present.
    • Victim: May start to see hope but still feels vulnerable.
    • Rescuer: May transition to seeking professional help for the loved one and themselves.
    • Persecutor: Might begin to soften their stance as they understand the need for healing rather than blame.

3. Early Recovery

  • During early recovery, there’s a significant shift in family dynamics as everyone adjusts to the new reality.
    • Victim: Begins to regain a sense of control and empowerment.
    • Rescuer: Moves towards supporting rather than enabling, encouraging responsibility and independence.
    • Persecutor: Works on building empathy and understanding, reducing the need to blame.

4. On-Going Recovery

  • In this stage, the family ideally moves out of the Drama Triangle and into healthier, more supportive roles.
    • Victim: No longer sees themselves as powerless but as a survivor with agency.
    • Rescuer: Embraces healthy support without enabling, fostering independence.
    • Persecutor: Transforms into a supportive role, focusing on constructive feedback and understanding.

By understanding these roles and their transformations, families can better navigate each stage of recovery, fostering healthier interactions and mutual support. This transition from dysfunctional roles to healthier dynamics is crucial for long-term recovery and healing.

The connection between the family roles and stages of recovery:

The family roles in addiction and the four stages of family recovery are deeply interconnected, as the dynamics and roles within the family influence how each stage of recovery is experienced and navigated. Here’s how they relate:

1. Active Addiction/Use

  • During this stage, family members often adopt roles to cope with the chaos and stress of addiction.
    • Caretaker: Tries to manage the addict’s needs, often sacrificing their well-being.
    • Hero: Overcompensates by striving for perfection to create a sense of normalcy.
    • Scapegoat: Acts out or is blamed for problems, diverting attention from the addiction.
    • Mascot: Uses humor to diffuse tension and distract from the issues.
    • Lost Child: Withdraws and becomes emotionally distant to avoid conflict.

2. Transition

  • As the family moves toward recovery, these roles may shift or intensify as they navigate the changes.
    • Caretaker: May struggle with letting go of control and allowing the addict to take responsibility.
    • Hero: Continues to seek stability but may begin to recognize the need for personal healing.
    • Scapegoat: Faces the challenge of changing their behavior patterns and finding healthier ways to cope.
    • Mascot: Learns to express emotions more authentically instead of using humor as a defense.
    • Lost Child: Starts to engage more and seek support as the family begins to heal.

3. Early Recovery

  • Family roles may evolve in this stage as everyone adapts to the new sober lifestyle.
    • Caretaker: Works on establishing healthy boundaries and encouraging the addict’s independence.
    • Hero: Begins to address their own emotional needs and seek personal growth.
    • Scapegoat: Finds healthier outlets for emotions and works on building self-esteem.
    • Mascot: Engages in more genuine interactions and develops coping strategies beyond humor.
    • Lost Child: Increases participation in family dynamics and seeks connections.

4. On-Going Recovery

  • As recovery becomes more stable, family members focus on long-term healing and maintaining healthy relationships.
    • Caretaker: Fully embraces healthy boundaries and self-care.
    • Hero: Continues personal development and supports the family’s collective growth.
    • Scapegoat: Establishes a positive identity and builds resilience.
    • Mascot: Maintains authentic relationships and emotional expression.
    • Lost Child: Actively engages with the family and develops a strong support network.

Understanding these connections helps families recognize how their roles impact the recovery process and highlights the importance of addressing these dynamics to support long-term healing.

Related Resources

Our Articles

External Articles

Media

What is Codependency?
 in Documents
The Parallel Process: Growing Alongside Your Adolescent or Young Adult Child in Treatment
 in Books
The New Codependency; Help & Guidance for Today’s Generation
 in Books
The Disease of Addiction
 in Documents
The Enabler: When Helping Hurts the One you Love
 in Books
Love Over Addiction
 in Podcasts
Love Sober
 in Podcasts
How Al-Anon Works for Family & Friends
 in Books
Everything Changes: Help for Families of Newly Recovering Addicts
 in Books

Web

Al-Anon Family Groups
Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA)
Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation
Helping Families Help – CRAFT Groups
Hopestream Community
PAL: Parents of Addicted Loved Ones