“I must learn to give those I love the right to make their own mistakes and recognize them as theirs alone.”

- Al-Anon Family Groups

We started this meeting out by sharing one positive part of the week and one not so great part of the week. Some shared their relief that their loved one is getting the help they need to begin to recover and how, through working with Family Centered Services, they have learned to detach themselves from their loved one’s disease. Others shared that their feelings of relief also come with the sense of “waiting for the other shoe to drop” and working to keep their household running while their loved one is in treatment. Recovery for our loved ones and ourselves is a rewarding and challenging journey. After living in the chaos for so long, it’s hard to trust feeling relief without the worry of the chaos starting again. As we discussed this week, when addiction is present in the family, each family member plays a role, and for the family to recover, we must learn to change and take on new and healthy roles in the family. 

Family roles in substance use disorders:

In families affected by addiction, members often take on specific roles as a way to cope with the challenges and stress. These roles can be both supportive and dysfunctional. Here are some common family roles in addiction:

  • The person with the addiction: The individual struggling with substance use disorder (SUD).
  • The Caretaker: Often takes on the responsibility of managing the household and the addict’s needs, sometimes to the detriment of their well-being.
  • The Hero: Tries to bring stability and success to the family, often overcompensating for the chaos caused by addiction.
  • The Scapegoat: Blamed for problems within the family, often acting out to divert attention from the addict’s behavior.
  • The Mascot: Uses humor to diffuse tension and distract from the family’s issues.
  • The Lost Child: Withdraws and becomes emotionally distant, avoiding conflict and seeking to stay unnoticed.

These roles can impact the family dynamics and the recovery process. Understanding these roles can help families address dysfunctional patterns and support each other more effectively.

What each person needs:

In families dealing with addiction, each member often takes on specific roles that can either support or hinder recovery efforts. Here is what each person might need:

  • The Addict: The person struggling with addiction often feels shame, guilt, and hopelessness. They need professional treatment, support, and understanding from their family to help them on their recovery journey.
  • The Caretaker: The caretaker manages the household and the addict’s needs. This person must set boundaries, practice self-care, and seek support to avoid burnout.
  • The Hero: The hero tries to bring order and success to the family, often excelling in school or work. They need recognition for their efforts and support to manage their stress and responsibilities.
  • The Scapegoat: The scapegoat often acts out and gets into trouble, diverting attention from the addict. They need understanding, guidance, and positive outlets for their emotions.
  • The Mascot: The mascot uses humor to cope with the family’s dysfunction. The family needs a safe space to express its true feelings and support to address its underlying issues.
  • The Lost Child: The lost child withdraws and becomes quiet to avoid family conflict. They need encouragement to express their feelings and support to build their self-esteem.

Understanding these roles and addressing each person’s needs can help the family heal together and support the recovery process. Family therapy can be particularly beneficial in breaking unhealthy patterns and fostering healthier dynamics.

The importance of understanding the family roles:

Understanding family roles in addiction is crucial for several reasons:

Insight into Dynamics

  • Identifying Patterns: Recognizing the specific roles family members play helps identify dysfunctional patterns that may perpetuate addiction.
  • Targeting Interventions: This allows for targeted interventions that can address each family member’s unique needs and behaviors.

Supporting Recovery

  • Creating a Supportive Environment: Understanding these roles enables the family to create a more supportive and unified environment for recovery.
  • Enhancing Communication: It improves communication among family members, fostering empathy and reducing conflict.

Breaking the Cycle

  • Preventing Codependency: It helps prevent codependent behaviors and ensures that all family members receive the support they need.
  • Promoting Healthy Relationships: Understanding and addressing family roles can lead to healthier, more functional relationships.

By gaining insight into these roles, families can work together more effectively to support the individual in recovery and create a healthier, more balanced family dynamic.

How can family therapy help change these roles:

Family therapy can play a pivotal role in addressing addiction and related issues within the family dynamic. Here’s how it can help:

  • Improving Communication: Family therapy provides a structured environment where family members can communicate openly and effectively, addressing misunderstandings and building healthier ways of interacting.
  • Strengthening Relationships: It helps repair strained relationships and fosters a sense of understanding and empathy among family members, which is crucial for providing a supportive environment for recovery.
  • Identifying and Changing Dysfunctional Patterns: The therapist can help the family identify and modify unhealthy behaviors and patterns that may contribute to the addiction or hinder recovery.
  • Providing Education: Family members can gain a better understanding of addiction as a disease, learn about its effects on behavior and emotions, and learn how to support their loved one’s recovery process best.
  • Enhancing Coping Skills: The family can develop better coping strategies to manage the stress and challenges associated with addiction, which can lead to a more resilient family unit.
  • Encouraging Accountability: Family therapy encourages individuals to take responsibility for their actions and their impact on the family, fostering a sense of accountability and commitment to change.
  • Support for All Members: It ensures that all family members receive the support they need, addressing their own emotional and psychological well-being, which is crucial for the family’s overall health.

By addressing these areas, family therapy can create a stronger, more supportive environment conducive to the recovery and well-being of all family members.

 

Related Resources

Our Articles

External Articles

Media

Alateen – Hope for Children of Alcoholics
 in Books
Codependent No More
 in Books
Codependency and Family Rules
 in Books
Detachment
 in Documents
For Teenagers Living with a Parent Who Abuses Alcohol/Drugs
 in Books
Everything Changes: Help for Families of Newly Recovering Addicts
 in Books
How Al-Anon Works for Family & Friends
 in Books
The Parallel Process: Growing Alongside Your Adolescent or Young Adult Child in Treatment
 in Books
The New Codependency; Help & Guidance for Today’s Generation
 in Books
The Enabler: When Helping Hurts the One you Love
 in Books
What is Codependency?
 in Documents
Family Roles in Addiction
 in Documents
In Depth Family Roles in Addiction
 in Documents

Web

Al-Anon Family Groups
Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA)
Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation
Helping Families Help – CRAFT Groups
Hope Stream
National Association for Children of Alcoholics
PAL: Parents of Addicted Loved Ones