“Relationships keep us grounded and bonded to each other. Service, from formal volunteering to informal small acts of kindness, is about helping each other. And purpose gives our life a sense of direction and meaning. Together, these elements form the triad of fulfillment.”

- Vivek H. Murthy (U.S. Surgeon General)

Welcome to our family support group for loved ones in recovery! This week, we shared our holiday experiences with and without loved ones. Some of you shared successes of being together with your loved ones over the holidays, and you also shared how you navigated the holidays without your loved ones. We also discussed how, through the successes, there’s still that feeling of hesitance and “waiting for the other shoe to drop”. Often there’s a feeling of being content that comes over us when life is going well, or everything feels “normal”. However, this feeling of being content can also feel uncomfortable because it’s not a “normal” feeling after the chaos we have experienced for so long. These feelings are valid and understandable. We also explored the Triad of Fulfillment, explained as “The core elements of community—relationships, service, and purpose—also define the triad of fulfillment. When combined with the core virtue of love, they create an ecosystem for meaning and belonging. This can be viewed through the lens of successes or opportunities we see for ourselves in our recovery journey, our relationships with our loved ones, and our connection with a support community.

Why feeling content can be challenging:

For several reasons, feeling content about a loved one’s recovery can be challenging. Here are a few considerations:

  1. Fear of Relapse: There’s often an underlying fear that the recovery might not last, leading to anxiety about potential relapse.
  2. Emotional Exhaustion: Supporting a loved one through their recovery can be emotionally draining, and it may take time to rebuild one’s emotional reserves.
  3. Complex Emotions: The recovery process can bring up emotions, including relief, guilt, and lingering resentment, making it hard to feel simply content.
  4. Unmet Expectations: Recovery might not look how you hoped it would, leading to disappointment if things don’t meet your expectations.
  5. Slow Progress: Recovery often involves many small steps rather than dramatic improvements, making it hard to feel like substantial progress is being made.
  6. Personal Healing: It’s important to remember that a loved one’s recovery also requires personal healing for those who supported them. This takes time and self-compassion.

Feeling content might involve acknowledging the positive steps without ignoring the remaining challenges. Have you found ways to manage these feelings or coping strategies that work for you?

Ways to manage these feelings:

Managing feelings when supporting a loved one with a substance use disorder involves several strategies that prioritize your emotional well-being. Here are some approaches that might help:

  1. Self-Care: Prioritize your needs and well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This can include hobbies, exercise, reading, or simply taking time for yourself.
  2. Healthy Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with your loved one to protect your emotional and physical space. Communicating these boundaries respectfully and consistently can help maintain a healthier relationship.
  3. Emotional Support: Seek support from friends, family, or support groups like Al-Anon. Sharing your experiences and connecting with others who understand your situation can provide comfort and a sense of community.
  4. Professional Help: Consider seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor specializing in addiction and family dynamics. Professional support can provide effective coping strategies and tools to manage your emotions.
  5. Mindfulness and Meditation: Practices such as mindfulness, meditation, or deep-breathing exercises can help you stay grounded and manage stress. These techniques can promote emotional balance and reduce anxiety.
  6. Focus on the Positive: Celebrate small victories and progress in your loved one’s recovery. Shifting your focus to positive aspects of the journey can help foster a sense of hope and contentment.
  7. Education: Educate yourself about substance use disorders and the recovery process. Understanding what your loved one is going through can help you approach the situation with empathy and patience.
  8. Acceptance: You cannot control your loved one’s actions or recovery journey. Embracing this reality can alleviate feelings of helplessness and allow you to focus on what you can control—your responses and actions.
  9. Personal Growth: Use this challenging experience as an opportunity for personal growth. Reflect on your strengths, learn new skills, and develop resilience that can help you navigate future challenges.
  10. Practicing Gratitude: Regularly acknowledging and appreciating the positive aspects of life can enhance one’s overall sense of well-being and contentment.

Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish—it’s essential to maintaining your health and effectively supporting your loved one.

What is The Triad of Fulfillment:

The triad of fulfillment, as discussed by Dr. Vivek Murthy, the U.S. Surgeon General, consists of three fundamental elements that contribute to a fulfilling life:

  1. Relationships: Having meaningful connections with friends, family, and community is vital for emotional support, joy, and overall well-being. These connections provide a sense of belonging and security.
  2. Service: Contributing to others and engaging in acts of service fosters a sense of purpose and belonging. Helping others can enhance personal satisfaction and lead to a more meaningful life.
  3. Purpose: Having a clear sense of direction and meaning in life is crucial. This means setting goals, pursuing passions, and aligning activities with personal values to create a sense of fulfillment and motivation.

Individuals can work towards a more balanced, content, and fulfilling life by focusing on these three elements.

How does this translate to us:

The triad of fulfillment can provide a valuable framework for family members of loved ones with substance use disorders, focusing on relationships, service, and purpose to find a greater sense of fulfillment despite the challenges they face.

  1. Relationships: Building and maintaining strong connections with other family members, friends, and support groups can provide emotional support, reduce feelings of isolation, and foster a sense of belonging. Participating in family therapy or support groups like Al-Anon can help strengthen these relationships and provide a safe space to share experiences.
  2. Service: Engaging in acts of service can help you find meaning and purpose in your difficult experiences. This could involve volunteering in local communities, participating in advocacy and awareness campaigns, or sharing your experiences to help others in similar situations. Serving others can provide a sense of accomplishment and deep satisfaction.
  3. Purpose: Finding a sense of purpose can be crucial for family members. This might involve setting personal goals, pursuing passions or hobbies, or working towards positive changes within your life and the lives of your loved ones. Embracing a personal mission that aligns with your values can help family members stay motivated and resilient.

Integrating these elements into daily life can help navigate the complexities of supporting a loved one with a substance use disorder while also nurturing your well-being and finding fulfillment.

In-depth ways to incorporate into our lives:

You can incorporate the triad of fulfillment—relationships, service, and purpose—into your lives in the following ways:

  1. Strengthen Relationships:
    • Build a Support Network: Connect with other family members, friends, and support groups who understand and can offer emotional support.
    • Family Therapy: Participate in family therapy sessions to improve communication and strengthen bonds within the family, fostering mutual understanding and support.
    • Quality Time: Spend quality time together doing activities everyone enjoys to create positive memories and reinforce connections.
  2. Engage in Service:
    • Volunteer Work: Get involved in community service or volunteer for organizations focusing on addiction recovery and mental health awareness. This can provide a sense of purpose and fulfillment.
    • Support Others: Help other families going through similar situations by sharing experiences and offering support, which can foster a sense of camaraderie and belonging.
    • Advocacy: Participate in advocacy efforts to raise awareness about substance use disorders and support policies that promote recovery and mental health.
  3. Find Purpose:
    • Personal Goals: Set personal goals that align with your values and passions and work towards achieving them. These could include pursuing a hobby, furthering education, or starting a new project.
    • Meaningful Activities: Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, such as creative pursuits, physical activities, or mindfulness practices.
    • Reflection: Reflect on what gives your life meaning and how you can align your actions with these values. This may involve journaling, meditation, or talking with a trusted friend or counselor.

Incorporating these elements into daily life can help navigate the challenges of supporting a loved one in recovery while nurturing your well-being and finding fulfillment.

 

As we continue to support our loved ones through their recovery journey, it is essential to remember that our feelings of contentment, though sometimes uncomfortable, are valid. We can find greater resilience and hope by integrating the triad of fulfillment—relationships, service, and purpose—into our lives. Strengthening our connections, engaging in meaningful acts of service, and discovering personal purpose will nurture our well-being and create a supportive and balanced environment for our loved ones. Let us celebrate our progress, embrace our personal growth, and remain committed to building a fulfilling and meaningful life together.

Thank you for being part of our family support group.

Surgeon General Urges Americans to ‘Rethink How We’re Living Our Lives’ in Closing Letter to the Country

https://people.com/surgeon-general-vivek-murthy-americans-closing-letter-rethink-how-we-are-living-our-lives-exclusive-8770191

Related Resources

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Adult Children of Alcoholics
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Al-Anon Newcomers
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Alateen – Hope for Children of Alcoholics
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Coping With Early Recovery
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Detachment
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My Parting Prescription For America
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Opening our Hearts, Transforming our Losses
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Restoration Through Forgiveness
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The Cycle of Guilt and Shame
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The Triad of Fulfillment
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SMART Recovery for Marijuana Addiction