“One of the most courageous decisions you’ll ever make is finally letting go of what is hurting your heart and soul.”

- Brigitte Nicole

Welcome to our family support group for loved ones in recovery! First of all, welcome to the newcomers this week. It takes courage and vulnerability to show up and share your story with others, and as many of you do every week, it also takes courage and vulnerability to keep showing up. This leads to one of the topics discussed in the meeting: remembering to celebrate the wins, whether small or big. Self-care was another topic discussed this week. We are all at different stages in our recovery from our loved one’s challenges with substance use and other addictions, as well as their mental health challenges. No matter what stage you are at, self-care is vital throughout your recovery and your life. As Tami, one of our clinicians, said, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” We also discussed letting go. It’s not easy to let go of the pain, hurt, or anger we are experiencing. Giving ourselves time to mourn the loss of our old life and what we expected our life to be, allows us to begin to let go of the past, start living in the present, and look forward to what the future holds. It can be helpful to remember that addiction and mental health affect the brain chemically, and these chemical changes disconnect the rational part of the brain from reality. Until your loved one accepts help and begins to recover, they are being held hostage by their addiction and mental health disorders. Remember, by caring for yourself and letting go of the past, you’re choosing to be strong, resilient, vulnerable, and hopeful for what lies ahead. Together, we can navigate this journey and find our way to healthier, happier lives.

Celebrating the wins:

Recognizing and celebrating victories, no matter the size, is essential in the recovery journey. Small victories could be things like attending a meeting, making a therapy appointment, or even acknowledging a day without substance use. These everyday successes build momentum and provide encouragement for individuals and their families. Celebrating wins helps shift focus from setbacks to progress, fostering a more positive outlook. Encourage families to keep a “Win Journal” where they document their achievements and reflect on their growth.

Practicing self-care:

Self-care is the foundation of sustainability in this challenging role. Making self-care a priority can significantly improve mental and physical health. Here are some tips:

  • Set Boundaries: Clearly define and stick to what you can do. This helps manage expectations and prevent burnout.
  • Find Joy in Small Things: Engage in activities that bring you happiness, whether it’s exploring hobbies, walking in nature, or enjoying a good book.
  • Daily Self-Care: Spend a few minutes each morning focusing on your breath or a simple meditation to center yourself.
  • Weekly Self-Care: Choose one thing each week that you can do for yourself.
  • Routine Check-ins: Regularly assess your well-being and adjust your self-care practices as needed.
  • Therapeutic Support: Consider professional therapy or counseling, which can provide a safe space to process emotions and learn coping strategies.

Taking Time to Mourn the Old Life and Expectations

  • Acknowledging the Loss Facing a loved one’s substance use disorder and mental health challenges often means coming to terms with a significant loss—the life you once knew and the expectations you had for the future. It’s important to give yourself permission to mourn this loss. This step is crucial for emotional healing and moving forward.
  • Feeling the Emotions Allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions that come with this mourning process. Sadness, anger, frustration, and even relief are all valid feelings. Recognizing and accepting these emotions is a critical part of the healing journey.
  • Finding Closure Creating rituals or finding ways to honor the past can help provide a sense of closure. This might involve writing a letter to your past self, journaling about your experiences, or even having a small ceremony to signify letting go of what was.
  • Redirecting Focus Once you’ve acknowledged your loss, begin to shift your focus to the present and the future. Seek out new opportunities to create joy and fulfillment in your life. Cultivate new dreams and aspirations that align with your current realities and hopes.
  • Support Systems Lean on your support system during this process. Talk to friends, support group members, or a therapist about your feelings. Sharing your journey can provide comfort and help you feel less isolated.
  • Allow Yourself Grace Understand that mourning is not a linear process. There will be days when the pain feels heavier than others. Allow yourself grace and be patient with your healing journey.

The act of letting go:

Letting go is often one of the most challenging aspects for families. It involves recognizing that you cannot control your loved one’s actions or choices and understanding that your well-being shouldn’t be solely dependent on their recovery. Here are steps to help with letting go:

  • Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel pain, anger, or sadness. Accepting your emotions is the first step towards healing.
  • Practice Mindfulness: Techniques such as meditation or deep breathing can help center your thoughts and reduce anxiety.
  • Focus on the Present: Try to live in the moment rather than dwelling on past mistakes or worrying about the future.
  • Seek Support: Join support groups where you can share your experiences and learn from others facing similar challenges.

Understanding the chemical impact on the brain:

Understanding the chemical impact of addiction and mental health disorders can be enlightening and provide a sense of clarity:

  • Brain Changes: Addiction alters brain chemistry, affecting the reward system and leading to cravings and dependency. Mental health disorders also impact brain function, often disrupting communication and decision-making processes.
  • Disconnection from Reality: These chemical changes can cause individuals to lose touch with reality, making it difficult for them to recognize the need for help or the consequences of their actions.
  • Compassion and Empathy: By understanding that addiction and mental health disorders are medical conditions, families can approach their loved ones with greater compassion and empathy, focusing on providing support rather than judgment.

Empowering yourself and staying hopeful:

Empowerment and hope are crucial elements in this journey:

  • Self-Empowerment: Encourage family members to take control of their own lives by making healthy choices, seeking support, and setting achievable goals.
  • Strength in Numbers: Remind families that they are not alone. Being part of a support group provides a sense of community and shared strength.
  • Finding Hope: Foster hope by focusing on positive changes, no matter how small, and believing in the possibility of recovery and a better future.
  • Resilient Mindset: Promote resilience by teaching coping strategies, encouraging a growth mindset, and celebrating progress.

As we navigate this journey together, remember the power of small victories, the importance of self-care, the necessity of allowing ourselves to mourn and let go, and the compassion that comes from understanding the chemical impacts on the brain. By empowering ourselves and staying hopeful, we can face the challenges ahead with resilience and strength. Together, we can create a brighter, healthier future for ourselves and our loved ones.

Thank you for being part of our family support group.

 

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Al-Anon Family Groups
Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA)
Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation
Helping Families Help – CRAFT Groups
Hopestream Community
Northwest Buddhist Recovery
PAL: Parents of Addicted Loved Ones
Recovery Dharma
Refuge Recovery
SAMHSA: Mental Health and Substance Use Disorders
Sisu Healing Partners – CRAFT Group