“Communication is the lifeline of any relationship.”

- Elizabeth Bourgeret

Welcome to our family support group for loved ones in recovery! This week, we talked about communication skills. Tami introduced a positive communication skill called PIUSS: positive intent, identifying feelings, understanding/empathy, shared responsibility, and solutions. One of our group members was brave enough to role-play with Tami to demonstrate this tool. The Positive Communication Tool enhances family conversations by promoting empathy, understanding, and collaboration. It focuses on maintaining a positive tone, identifying and sharing personal feelings, and practicing empathy by considering the other person's perspective. Families can navigate challenging conversations more effectively and strengthen their relationships by taking shared responsibility and working together to find solutions. This tool encourages open, empathetic, and constructive dialogue, making it easier to address complex topics within the family.

Positive Communication–PIUSS (click on image to enlarge)

 

Using the Positive Communication Tool

1. Positive

Focus on maintaining a positive tone throughout the conversation. This helps create an environment conducive to open and constructive communication.

  • Tip: Start the conversation with a positive statement or acknowledgment of something good. For example, “I appreciate how we can talk about important things.”

2. Identifying Feelings

Recognize and articulate your feelings. Being aware of your emotions helps you communicate more clearly and avoid misunderstandings.

  • Questions to ask yourself:
    • How does this situation make me feel?
    • What emotions come up when I think about having this conversation?

3. Understanding (Empathy)

Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Try to understand their perspective and how they might be feeling.

  • Questions to consider:
    • How do I think this conversation will make my loved one feel?
    • What might be their concerns or worries?

4. Shared Responsibility

Acknowledge your role in the situation. Taking responsibility for your part can help de-escalate conflicts and foster mutual understanding.

  • Questions to reflect on:
    • What can I take responsibility for in this situation?
    • How can I contribute to a positive outcome?

5. Solutions

Focus on finding solutions together. This encourages collaboration and problem-solving, making the conversation productive.

  • Steps to take:
    • Brainstorm possible solutions together.
    • Agree on a plan of action that addresses the concerns of both parties.

Conversation Example

Scenario: A parent is having a conversation with their teenage child who is in recovery and not respecting their family’s agreement.

  • Positive

    • Parent: “Hey, I’m happy we can sit down and chat. I love you and want to support you in every way possible.”

  • Identifying Feelings

    • Parent: “Lately, I’ve been feeling really worried because we seem to have some issues sticking to our family agreement. It’s making me anxious because I want to see you continue to thrive.”
    • Teenager: “I know, it’s just been tough lately. I didn’t mean to break the rules.”

  • Understanding (Empathy)

    • Parent: “I get that. Recovery is incredibly challenging, and I can’t imagine how tough it must be for you. Can you tell me what’s been the most difficult part about following the agreement?”
    • Teenager: “It’s just that sometimes I feel overwhelmed by all the expectations, and it feels like I can’t keep up with everything.”

  • Shared Responsibility

    • Parent: “I understand. I realize that some of the expectations might feel overwhelming, and I’m sorry if my approach has added to your stress. I want us to find a way to make this work for both of us.”
    • Teenager: “I appreciate that. It’s just hard to stay on track sometimes with everything going on.”

  • Solutions

    • Parent: “Let’s work together to adjust the agreement so it feels more manageable. How about we set specific times for check-ins and allow some flexibility for when you need space? We can also talk about what additional support you might need. Does that sound good to you?”
    • Teenager: “Yeah, that sounds fair. Having specific times for check-ins would help, and I’d appreciate a bit more flexibility.”
    • Parent: “Great. We’ll start with that and see how it goes. Remember, the agreement is here to support you, not to control you. Let’s keep communicating openly and adjust things as needed. I’m here for you every step of the way.”
    • Teenager: “Thanks. I’ll do my best to stick to the agreement, and I really appreciate your support.”

In this conversation, the parent maintains a positive and supportive tone, identifies their feelings, empathizes with the teenager’s struggles, takes responsibility for their part in the stress, and works collaboratively to find solutions. This approach helps create a supportive environment that encourages adherence to the family agreement while respecting the teenager’s needs in recovery.

 

Related Resources

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Media

Addict in the House: A No-Nonsense Family Guide Through Addiction and Recovery
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Adult Children of Alcoholics
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Al Anon Faces Alcoholism
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Alateen – Hope for Children of Alcoholics
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Am I helping, or enabling?
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Anger Iceberg
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In Depth Family Roles in Addiction
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Maintaining Personal Boundaries
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Resentment…..The Pain that Keeps on Giving
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The Enabler: When Helping Hurts the One you Love
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Understanding Boundaries
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Web

Al-Anon Family Groups
Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA)
Helping Families Help – CRAFT Groups
Hopestream Community
PAL: Parents of Addicted Loved Ones
Recovery Dharma
Refuge Recovery
SMART Recovery for Marijuana Addiction